If only we had Forever

Where has a year gone?

2010-08-09T22:52:00.000-07:00

Crazy as this may sound, I couldn't blog one more thing.
My life was getting so crazy that I was just wanting to
write mean and nasty things...
Sometimes at night, I can lay in bed for hours and think
about so many fun and wonderful things that I would like
to share...but morning comes all to quickly and routines
start...and the nasty thoughts come right along with it.

In a year, I have went thru a really difficult and almost
unbearable at times, child support legal battle...I would never wish
this on my worst of worst enemies. Not so fun when you
are left to pick up all the shattered pieces for you
beautiful children.... Trying oh so hard to keep any
fragments of a relationship that the boys and their father
may have in tact.

They are growing up so fast that I so feel like i am consumed
with doing motherly duties for example: 1. Making sure they
make decent..no not always right but, just decent choices.
2. No drugs of any sort.... so ridiculous how easy they are
to come by these days... 3.Respecting me, in all my screw ups
in dealing with them in the best way I'm learning how to do.
I wish for them to have so much fun....I want them to have happy
memories of growing up...playing and laughing with them...
all so often its the crying and serious conversations that
I find us having...

On a lighter note I did allow chacho the oldest child to get
his ears pierced....I have to admit.... I really think it looks
nice...
Not for sure how I feel about it...but, he wanted a tattoo
as well, so we...lets just say we settled...Bubbie, watched
as the gun would not release the earring once it was pierced,
Yep, pretty sure I wont be going with him anytime soon to
get some sweet "ice" for his ear bobs. Meanwhile the two hole
ear wonder thinks he is pretty studly.

Baby girl is so much a blessing...I'm not sure where I would
be without her.... She brings so many smiles to all our faces.
I think she has saved us this last year...She is that innocent
face that looks back at you ....that's like "what I do want the
third sippy cup of chocolate milk alright" So that day we brush
extra long...

In my year long escape from the blogging world so much could
have, should have and did happen that I wish I could fix, change
and even delete... but, as we know life goes on...
We make of it what we want...we get out of life what we put in
and not a bit more....so I kissed baby girl night night "one more
time mommy" ...and I'm still here deep breath in....Tomorrow, I
will have a fabulous day ...I will get to the Jr high for
bubbie to have a look around at his new home for two years....
I will be excited on Friday to go with bubbie to pick up his
football gear....and yes...I will tailgate at a Jr high game
no matter what he thinks...why? because I can!!!

Family pictures

2009-06-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

We Finally did it we had pictures made.
My boys are so grown up and handsome even
if I do say so myself....

Life is good. I cant really complain to
much with what's been going on in our world.
School is out and now were in summer school.

I need a vacation and I just had one...so maybe
things are a bit more rough than I care to talk about.

Work is crazy good.... I have been very busy love
the move I think its a perfect fit.

Florida time with freinds.

2009-05-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

The first picture is the view from our room.... It must have been
rough huh?

The second is on the beach and we are living it up... Lovin that sun.

Third is Terry telling me the rules of the weekend at Spfd's airport.
Notice how much I am paying attention.

It did my body good to get away and just relax... Yes I missed my babies
but, it was good very good.

Happy Easter Everyone

2009-04-12T15:16:00.001-07:00

I just thought I would share a picture of all my baby's.

Boys update

2009-04-08T19:37:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it through the day.
Trevin's spot did not bother the Dr.
Sayer's however did and he had to have
his biopsied.
We will know more in a couple of weeks.
So for now that's all I know.
I took the boys to a different Dr this
time and I really liked him and boy was
he checking them out..in their hair and
in between their toes....Did my Dr do
that nope.....
So I feel like I made a good choice to
take them else were.

Catch up bloggin

2009-04-07T19:24:00.000-07:00

I'm not so sure what to say these days. I have said so little because
I really feel like I ramble on with things that are just in my
head and they really don't make alot of sense.
Tomorrow is the day that I take the boys to the doctor.
I have really tried not to think about it to much.....
Not working at all by the way.
Positive thinking right.
Its totally different since its them and not me...I would do
it over and over again to not have them go through any
of this. I just keep telling them I'm old and look how good
I did.....I went back to work in three days....
Trevin always the witty one says.....MOOOOM you have a shark bite.
Who taught them how to be so sassy...

So tomorrow they will take biopsy's of both boys skin
spot's.
It's a horible feeling, out of my motherly control. I never
ever want these babies to hurt. Do we ever?
I wish so much that I was just going to work in the morning
and not doing this.
It's going to be fine....right?
I have to wonder alot these days what is it that we are
suppose to learn from all of these trials....just not so sure.
I guess we may never know what the lesson's are.

On a happy note I made Easter stuff today....I so love
this holiday...its one of my favorite's .....I know I always
say that.

We were going to go camping this weekend and have
a Easter egg hunt at the lake....
We have since watched the weather forecast and that's
not going to happen..
There's no reason I can come up with that makes me
want to freeze to death...and with the baby no way.
Another day....

I have great friends by the way I really do...
Going to Florida in a few weeks cant wait....
SOOOOOO ready to hang out on the beach the
swimsuit not so ready..
Maybe even twice....no way I am pinching myself...

OH yes we are down to two puppies.....Chocolate and yellow
ANYONE!!!!!!!!!

I will update as soon as we know anything. That's a promise.

Spring Creek is calling our name's we can make it a mother
daughter and whoever else want's to come.
Steph come on sister we have to at least meet in person
befor we take off and fly together..... Florida will never
ever be the same....Like we may even have to get t-shirts.

ya hoo its monday, what what!

2009-03-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

Ya its Monday ....what what did I say that? Yes, I did I am totally
exhausted from running kiddos everywhere. I remember the days
when I just had to worry about taking care of myself....now I'm
lucky if I can shave both legs.... No kidding!

Things are good around here just crazy busy. Soccer in Kansas City.
By the way I am in love with overland Park....You have to be kidding
so much shopping in one place.
The house's are beautifully landscaped in March looks like its CA.

Addy is getting so big I have been trying my best to get some good
pictures but the little booger will not sit still long enough to get good
ones ...action shots are always what I end up with and not good ones.

Lets see my leg is healing up nicely its been 4 weeks now.. Every test
has come back clean...
The boys go April the 8Th....Its going to be fine.. i just know it is..

I'm in a bad winter funk however... I need sunshine. I cant seem to
pull myself into a happy place... I know I'm not alone either. Its just
the time of year.

I also just remembered I need to call a few girls and get a girly weekend
on the calender......Sorry I kinda forgot to call you back....Wow like that wouldn't
take care of my funk...
I also need to play in dirt and plant some pretty flowers.
Hubby has been fishing ALOT lately hes in a happy place now its my
turn!

update

2009-03-14T05:03:00.000-07:00

As some of you already know my margins came back clean....Praise the Lord.
I still have a few test that I have to have. I have no doubt that in the end they will all be clear as well. Chest x-rays blood work all done, still have mammogram
eye check and then they will have a base line for the future to compare to
as I will always have to take these measures.
Its been such a messy couple of weeks I have not been happy with the
care that I have received here. Shame on those people at the Dr's office
and Dr's themselves that get so wrapped up with what ever is feeling up their
head space that they don't take the time to meet every patients needs.
I applaud the very special nurse's and Dr's that keep focused. Every single
person that walks through their door needs undivided attention. Or they need
to just go home... OK so I'm done with bashing for now.

The boys are now facing the same thing we have already been to the
primary Dr. Now, the first of April they go to the Dermatologist.
They have similar skin spots. I think its crazy that it has hit out family
like this I'm just so thankful that I went through it first. Now, they both
have a very clear picture what could be in store for them if we don't
do this. bless their hearts you know those boys are scared to death.

My leg looked horrible.....however I'm old and I was back to work in four
days. So if they should have to have this done like me they will bounce
back even faster.

The craziest thing of all came in the mail today.....Missouri's cancer survivor
support group letter. No way right? I haven't the words for those that have
and our suffering. People that was the scariest thing. Pray with me for
Sayer and Trevin to be strong. They will biopsy them and its going
to be clean from the git go.

Work is fabulous.....LOVELOVELOVE it!!!!
Family pictures are next on the agenda don't even ask when Adalyn's last
individual pictures were (horrible mom).

Have a wonderful weekend I'm off to St Louis for a hair show..... I may
come back inspired and stuff.

Update on my new sexy leg NOT!

2009-02-26T22:19:00.001-08:00

I am one step closer to the results. That was not
fun at all. But, its over. Now we just wait to find
out if I have clean margins or not. Should know
more in 5 working days. They had to take alot more
than I thought they were going to.
I sure thought I asked all the right question's.
I am just one of those people that like to have
it straight up... not sugar coated.

I cant work until next week. Possibly not even able
to walk in the morning, at least the nurse broke the news
straight, very sore and swollen.
Probably about a seven inch incision and a little
over 100 stitches. I wonder why the Dr didn't tell
me what was really going to happen that's what
bugs me the very most.
I felt very scared I have to tell you that. I cant
even sit still and I want to get up and move around.
So much for working 10 hours tomorrow and 8sh on Sat.
Sorry, guys I feel horrible about pushing you back again.

Now, for good news the Taylor family is extend today!!!
Puppies and bunch of them Gracie our lab decided that
today was the day and now we have 4 yellow and two
chocolate and three black lab babies.
They are a great distraction that's for sure. It was nice
being able to worry about something other than myself today.
So if ANY body would like a puppy.....did I mention
FREE !!!!! come on down.

Super Dooper Big Trouble

2009-02-25T19:33:00.001-08:00

Yes.....I am going to be in super, dooper big trouble.
Because, I am not a good blogger at all and well I kinda
forget that I don't see all my friends at work.

Well anyway....Soooo Sorry that I am having to do this...
Story goes like this.
Jan I go to my regular Dr. My hubby gives me a full
body scan on a regular " basis" all the time....(well not
all the time) he has had skin cancer before and so hes
kinda phobic about it.... Plus, I made that sound
a tad bit sexual NOT SO MUCH THAT KIND of scan.
More like me running as fast as I can from the shower
into the closet to cover up the BODY>>>>now your
getting it. Way to many kido's in this house.
I am one who likes to tan a little, because for one I
have always heard dark takes in and light brings
out....I'm not sure that works but anyway.
So I go to the Dr and show her at the end of the apt that
I have a spot on my leg that my hubby has spotted
in the "SCAN" and what does she think.
She says yep that needs to go. We will refer you
on to a Dermatologist and get that off.
So off to the Dr I go and now understand, I am
never once worried about this because why should I
be right?
I made it to the Dermatologist and he GIVES ME THE
option I might add to "cosmetically does it bother you"
speech well no it does not ...
Hubby is in the corner freaking out and looks at me
HELLO YES we want it gone, your hear and just do it.
Three seconds later its gone...
He says "we always send these off to be tested and we
will call you and give you the results."
Cool!!! Didn't even hurt.

Well, when they called and gave me the results...
Not so cool. Stage three melanoma. So I have already
went to see the plastic surgeon and I have surgery
tomorrow and pray people ......Its going to be clean
margins and no therapy will be needed.

I do want to add one more thing I have made
light of this I know.... But, I feel God, hes right here
and everything happens for a reason. So many
things have happened in my life, and this will not
do anything but make my faith that much stronger.

I do promise I will post as soon as I can after its all
done.
I should be in and out. I did actually take the day
off. However, I work Friday and Saturday to make
up for my time out.

You know what this means though right...
MORE BODY SCANS.......hehehehe

Have you Waltz today?

2009-02-07T06:06:00.001-08:00

I am so excited about the new salon its so much more ....everything
than I thought it would be. Its beautiful for starters. The group
fits well together that's always a biggy. You feel like you are
stepping into a new world in there.
Cant wait for everyone to see it.

The boys are doing really good. Just getting big and I mean BIG.
Sayer came to the shop on Thursday night and the receptionist
thought he was my bother..... Needless to say she was super
cute and his head wouldn't fit back through the front door.
I look at them all the time and I cant believe they are mine.
They are perfect....(not always acting perfect) but I wouldn't
change ANYTHING about them. I love the young men they are
growing up to be. They feel my heart with warm and fuzzes so
much of the time.

Addy is walking everywhere! She is so much fun. I feel like so
much of the time she is my chance for a do over. Not to make the
mistakes I did with the boys. (Except for the bed time thing)
ya she kinda has me pinned up against a very large wall.

My parents are both retired now and they watch Addy for me
three days a week. So a little back ground my father knows
nothing but working his slightly bent fingers from arthritis to the
bone. For all my life that's what I think of when I picture my
dad....Somewhere on the farm, out working any young tot who
thinks that he can keep up. He usually is up at the crack of dawn
out cutting ice, feeding cows, cutting wood you name it and if he
can he will have it done before 5:30 because then he leaves for work.
You get it anyway, I go to pick up Addy and first of all she's in pig
tales (CUTE) and then I see what her and dad are doing they,
are waltzing. I cried you cant even image how cute that was to see.
She has for the record her Bumppo tightly wrapped around her pinkie.
They are going on a month long vacation in June anyone with a idea
for keeping Addy a couple days a week for a month please let me
know. I am running out of ideas.

Have a great Weekend and enjoy our weather. Spring is on the
way and VALENTINES DAY is geting closer......

Chance's Are!

2009-01-31T14:38:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been somewhere and you run into someone that
you haven't seen in forever and later your thinking about the
in counter, and you wonder what are the chances that we would
be at the same place, same time.
I do that all the time. What's even more weird is what usually
happens to me is I think about someone, and bam I run into them.
I did just that all weekend.

So anyway that got me to thinking. All the friends that I have every
where...that I early miss. I wish I could have one huge party and
have everyone I know come.....Do you see where I'm going with this.

Yep!!!!!!

I want everyone in heaven with me....my family of course but all
the special people that I dearly love. You know how much fun that's
going to be.
So what really got me to praying last night was about the ones that
I may or may now get to be with.
So, I guess I just pray harder.. The example we live sometimes just
might not be enough...
I have also found that praying for someone doesn't allow you to stay
angry....
So anyway today chance's are your being prayed for! Even if I just
know your through chance.

New Salon

2009-01-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

I am moving to a new salon. I am so excited.
Three of us were invited to go to a new salon.
Its right next door to Touch restaurant on
republic rd. My first day there is Feb 6Th.
Its called W3. It's beautiful and the best
part about it I still get to work with my brother.
You will have the same appointment as sch the
new salon will call and confirm as usual.
Can't wait until everybody comes in.
See you soon!!!!!

Happy days

2009-01-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

I have had very little time to get on the computer lately.
We had a birthday girl! It was very sweet, fun and sad
all at the same time. I cant believe my baby is already one.
We had a blast getting ready for the big day.
The theme was lady bugs....they are very meaningful
in this family.
Tim's grandma, that I never had the pleasure to meet
was crazy about them and they loved her to.
Every time there is a special event they always come.
On Missy's wedding day we were outside and one flew
and landed on her gown......Yes!!!!! we cried. Kinda like
an earthly reminder that she is always with us.
We had all intentions on buying her a cake at the bakery
however, we did it ourselves.. See for yourself how cute
it was.... you must understand big daddy did all the
decorating. ( I know wow and he wanted to)
She loved everybody just staring at her while she was
half naked.... I should have taken pictures of all the people
in my kitchen with camera's. She was defiantly on display
and did not let us down with a show.

One of my favorite holidays is coming up I LOVE VALENTINES
DAY!!!!!!
I truly think its because I am a girl. I still want all the
flowers, and of course chocolate's. Do we ever grow out
of that.....still a teenager and want to make sure you have
a boyfriend for Valentines Day good thing I do have a
sweetie.
We go big around here.... We bring out the fine china for
our dinner and this year the boys all of them are going
shopping for the (table scape) how fun..... they will not be
slackers ..... they will empress a sweetie of their own
one of these days. If you could have only heard our
conversation, me telling the boys they have to go with
big daddy to get the (table scape) this year. I let them
know that I have done it all these years and now they
know what we have to have. Then, how wonderful it will
be for them to learn how to spoil someone special
someday...
Lot's of "you watch to much food network and Paula Deen
something " I love it... They would turn four shades of blue
if I didn't do this. I know because I have tried.
Love is a verb ... so I like to spoil all my sweeties too.

Where do I start

2009-01-07T16:46:00.000-08:00

So much has went on the last couple of weeks I am not sure where
to start.
Lots of sickness that's for sure. Trevin and I both had the stomach
flu the week of Christmas. He lost 10 pounds and didn't have that
to loose. I on the other hand when I got through with the scales
was willing to throw them down the hill into the river.

My sister by free will past away just in time to spend Christmas
with her husband and Jesus in Heaven (you know they celebrate
like we have never celebrated.
I miss you Gail so much ....but your body is healed and you are
walking the streets of Gold hand in hand with your Father.

Sayer has been sick with the stomach ick for a few days now.
Tim has missed three and tomorrow will be four days of work.
He has had the flu or pneumonia they are treating him for the
pneumonia. He has had a fever since Sunday.
That leads into the fun packed weekend that Trevin and I
had in Branson for his birthday.... That's right we celebrated
his birthday on the 1st big boy is now 11.
We had a blast we left Saturday morning with money in hand.
We were shopping and going to eat at all these super fun places.
I was so pumped. We went to see a movie (Marley and Me) super
cute... we came home and gave Gracie the lab a bath and lots of
treats. We missed her very bad that night at the hotel.
We had popcorn and chocolate milk and coffee.. he wanted momma
to stay awake and watch TV with him all night long...NOT GONNA
happen I have missed way to many hours of sleep this last year
for that to happen.
We got up bright and early ready to hit the town again for the
second day. When I checked in with dad.......Yep that's when our
weekend was over daddy was sick and so was baby girl.
We couldn't get home fast enough.
New Year's was over before we even knew it. I fixed so much food
we were all bloated and sleepy. However we made it to midnight
just to be able to tell Trevin happy birthday.

Now we are focused on another birthday miss Addy turns 1 on the
21st.
This year has went very fast I cant even believe my children are
getting so big....
They make my life so perfect.
I have work news that I will update every one on this Friday..
Just wait till you here this stuff.

Breakfast with Santa

2008-12-15T10:25:00.000-08:00

This weekend started out with breakfast with
Santa at Bass Pro.
Addy doesn't do well with facial hair, and so
I was worried all week about how this up
coming event, that was totally for me was
going to effect my baby girl.
We got there early and we were greeted with
the friendly rain deer, we even had a moment where
she let him touch her and we were able to get
a picture in front of the tree. No smiles just a
picture....Were off to a good start I'm thinking.
We stand in line with a bunch of people that
took this Santa thing way, way to serious.
I thought it would just be fun for me and Tim
to take our baby girl and bond. Not to mention
an excuse for Tim to buy just one more bag
of fishing lures.
By the way he didn't do that (will explain later.)
We get into the Santa house, and we eat our
breakfast, she's loving the lights and all the
people are not even freaking her out... I am
pumped........

Your waiting for the big reveal and well the time
has come.......
Our sweet baby girl did not even fuss at Santa
for a second or the elf's that were running around.
Even the scrooge didn't get her rilled up....
That's because she slept through the whole thing.
Until we put her in the truck did she even move.
That's why daddy didn't go shopping for more
fishing lures. She's quite the heavy one our Addy
bug.
Not what I was expecting at all.... So now we wait
for next year.

Movie Material

2008-12-12T05:51:00.000-08:00

So have you ever thought about the fact that you possibly can change
the way history unfolds?
I didn't ever think that way until I got a divorce!!!! That changed everything!
No longer was I in the promise that I gave to my husband but, I was no longer
in the promise I made to God.
I changed history...and yes for me but, more so for my boys.
They would no longer be able to wake up in the same house as their
father every day, they couldn't go to the back door and see dad mowing
our yard. Never would they be able to go on vacation with both of us again. More than that they would never see dad taking care of mom.
Not that I haven't made it on my own, but its the natural lesson's of
fatherhood towards a mom that they would never ever see.
When I was in that moment I truly thought I was doing the right thing for
all of us....when in reality I was doing what I wanted........!!!!!!!!!!!
It totally stinks to have to be mom and dad all the time. I never felt
like I was doing as good as what he would have done. Or what if
he would have said that differently and it would have meant more
coming from their dad.
The reason's that I left sometimes I can't even remember. It's been just
over 8 years ago. Does it still feel like a open wound? No, that's all gone
now I feel pain for my children they have paid such a high price for
our mistakes. It was both of us, we both choose to leave each other,
maybe in different ways but, we both were not their for each other.
Could we have made it.....I really believe that's a no...so with that you
begin to think were we not suppose to even be together? I can't imagine
my life without my boys not even for a second. Now I look at mine and his
life hes so happy with her. They are perfect for each other he was never
that kind of man with me. She makes him be a better man. you can just
look at him and know that he is happy. Like truly a soul mate match.
Wow, just look at my life. I even have been blessed with a
new sweet angel ( I got a second script). Thank you God!
My boys are growing up and they are becoming young men. They now
have had so many holidays and birthday's that they have split with mom and dad.
How that has affected them we may never know...that's because it's all
they have ever had, that they can remember.
Horrible to never know what it would feel like for them to just be able to
relax at home with their family. Until they have thier own children and
home.
Now they have stepbrother's, a step mom and a step dad. I couldn't ask
for better.
They love their step mom and stepbrother's. So that's a blessing. It
could be so much worse. That's never been a complaint.

All of this is basically for a therapeutic moment for me....I would have
never ever thought about these feelings this many years ahead, and how I would feel about divorce and a broken home.
So, if for just a single moment you are thinking about changing
your dynamics of your home THINK THINK THINK about it just one
more time for me.
I wish my movie material could have been God written from the very
beginning and that I didn't ever try to step in and make it better or change
the ending but, I did and now we are going to have to wait and see
the new ending.

Just one last thought I am so thankful Santa Clause didn't divorce Mrs Clause!!!!

Christmas is already here.

2008-12-09T06:32:00.000-08:00

Yep, its true I went shopping after work on Friday and I bought
Addy a few gifts for Christmas... Yes, I was far more excited
about them than her....but she's only soon to be 11 months old
So what did I expect huh...
So I got home and guess what I did.......? Yes, I let her have
them all.
So cute, and I rationalized it by her not even knowing what
Christmas is anyway.....RIGHT? All she will do on Christmas
morning is play with all the wrapping paper from every body's
gift. So I think I have a very good point here.

So all week end we have had a blast watching her play with
her gifts...( love the kitchen set). "The Boys", you say ya that didn't go over quite so easily.
they wanted to open just one gift momma.....

Will see!!!!!!

Worthy

2008-12-03T08:34:00.000-08:00

I pray often, I'm sure not near enough in the midst of a storm I have been known to pray harder, longer and ask for only what I thought would be best suited for the situation at which I am even praying for.
Not fair, not right, not cool but, true.
These days I have found myself just thanking him, for the smallest of things that I have taken for granted for so long. Even, that I can choose to get my lazy bum up and outsidewhere it is geting very cold and run. Or just enjoy being outside and trying to reduce the caloric intake for that day.
I was in my oldest son's room last night just staring at him and praying and I was
taken back to a time when I did this every single night. I'm embarrassed to say that's not been case for his almost 14 years of life. All that time gone to never have back to make it up to God. I cried and for those years lost forever. For the prayers I didn't make.

I can however change today and from now on. I go to the boys rooms when they are
gone and I miss them being there, I cant wait for them to come home.....I love the sound of their voices...their request, of their just out of the blue " I love yous.... "
It feels me up with smiles and I feel whole when we are all together. I can protect them when they are in my presence.

What are Father must feel when we call out to him and make our, to him such small
requests, when we lift our voice's to him, and our just out of the blue "I love yous".He longs to hear from us..... So I let him hear from me for a long time...
(have you ever tried to catch up God?) I then walked down stairs to Trevin's room I
was touching his perfect face and I was overwhelmed with God's love I am a only
able to touch his face because its his will. I am so thankful that's the case. Thank you god for my babies.... even the one you have with you in heaven...!!!

So after that I took off for baby girl's room I (wouldn't dare touch her or make a peep)
she's a sleep fighter and that would be just a perfect excuse for her to wake up
and want to play for no telling how long and this momma needed to get some rest
after all I still had my husband to pray and be thankful for.
In her room with her Christmas tree very bright I might mention. She looks even
more like an angel... I wonder how long I can keep the tree in her room before big
daddy has had enough and says take it down.... While I do have it up, I will enjoy
the way the pink lights just shine off of her skin.... I love you Addy your another
perfect miracle I am apart of.

I must strive, more so these days to be worthy of the job God has blessed us
with. That's the least I can do.... they are so easy to love and I want to do them
justice. I want them to be proud of the way I bring them up and want to in turn
be better parents than I.

Thank you Jesus for going to the cross for me to have this chance to spend time with your angels. I promise to share your love that you have for me, from here on out just a little brighter, little stronger and perhaphs I will breach them heim of your garmet some day and then I will only begin to grasp what being worthy had meant.

No complaining today!

2008-12-01T15:58:00.000-08:00

I have already said I no longer look at my life the
same way as I once did. I no longer find myself
complaining about the small stuff. I love the small
stuff now. I choose to be optimistic about circumstances
that normally I would feel were doomed.
My children are a blessing every single second. I was
thinking about how upset I was with Trevin just last
week. I delt with that situation so differently. I want
him to be a better person after he has been taught
what he did wrong. But, that we all make mistakes.

I have been through some really crazy things
most self induced. You really cant get on a pity
party for yourself when you did it. I went sooooooo
many wrong directions. With that being
said.... I wouldn't change a thing. I have a story now
and all the girls that I had when I was a foster mom
I could relate. I love those girls... all of them are so
special and I only hope I was able to share enough of
my life to make a difference.

I cant even begin to complain about anything that I GET to
go through these days.
Even the worst of days with mouthy children at least
I have them.

I have decided that if I need to feel closer to God
just log on and start reading.
These women are unreal. With their steadfast Godly
views...

I almost feel silly writing about my daily activities now.
I am vastly aware
of things that just don't happen.
I have always said things happen for a reason now I
am even more convinced.

The people that are sent to me, and all the ones I have
contact with.. they are so special to me.
The friends that I have made throughout the years
are so priceless to me now.
My family I just keep kissing them
over and over again.
My poor boys are getting irritated with all the
chap stick and lip gloss they have to wipe off.
They see me coming and just pucker up now!
Seems to even be a little more enthusiastic at times.

Christmas even looks so much more exciting I cant
wait to share another holiday with my family.
Its never been about the gifts for me. Saying that, I
have been guilty of stressing out because I should have
purchased just one more anything for the boys.
I no longer feel that way. I want so many memories
with them that they forget about the presents under
the tree.
So movies, loud Christmas music and cookies lots of
Trevin's cookies hes so good at them now.
We have started our basket's already with more
vigor than last. Somehow they too have picked up my
difference in outlooks and they just keep coming up with
more things to bake and put in them.
I have shared so many of the precious blogs with them.
Its a very special child who gets empathy at such a young
age. They both have been so precious about giving of
themselves and their time.
They are teenagers that alone is a miracle.

I went on a church related trip to the beautiful country of Belize.
It was one of the high lights in my life so far. The people
were amazing. What I took away from there was life
altering.
With saying that, I cant wait to take the boys on the next
trip. I think every child needs the experience of volunteering
their time. It will be awesome to see their world open up around
them to giving if only it is with their time.

Thankful for today

2008-11-27T06:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and of course I am so excited about today, I cant wait to get this day started.
I look forward to spending time with our family's.
It is such a blessing to have them so close.
I wish it would just poke along very slowly.
But, at the end of the day I know it will feel as though it has flown by.
So in the spirit of being thankful.
Wouldn't it be nice if everybody looked forward to every day like they do the two holidays that are coming up
what an exciting place we would have.
Then I thought about how I would love to have friend holidays.
Where you have to meet at least once a year just because its what you do..
I may work on that. So look out Rhonda...Your up first.... I miss you so bad.
I think about your family so much.. They mean the world to me..
Our kids our way to big. They have grown up right in front of our eyes.
I want them to go back playing in your cabinets.
So eat alot and enjoy your day.. I will just have to run one more lap to make up for all the calories I am getting ready to have.

So for a serious thought I am so thankful that I have a healthy family. I have become more thoughtful to the special ones that I know and even the
ones that I don't that are fighting a battle of sickness. You message is strong and you are affecting so many with your incredible stories. I pray every day for so many now.. May God give you strength like you have never known.
Have a Blessed day!

The day after

2008-11-25T05:20:00.000-08:00

I didn't know what I was going to do to my child when I got home.Well I still don't know to the extent of what's going to happen to him however he has been banned from the TV, computer since I don't let him play video games during the school week anyway that's nothing lost. However, he did have to write a pretty heart felt apology letter.
Up to my standards even... Nothing worse than writing a letter and bringing it to your mom and
getting it shot down and having to start over...

It went a little bit like this
Trevin: Mom I'm done with this letter I am going to bed.
Me: Bring it to me I want to read your letter.
Trevin: OK.... I did the best I could do is it alright?
Me: Well, I would love to tell you yes but, no! You need to reach deep into your heart and pull up your most thoughtful sweet spirt that I know is in there and think very hard about how you
want this to make up for what your hurtful mouth has said.
Trevin: OK... I will be back.......

WAITING!!!!

STILL WAITING!!!!!

Then he did it .... it made me cry it was truly the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

So now in prayer will everybody agree with me that he has learned his lesson on just how hurtful words can be. I am back to what else are going to be his consequences.... Yes....
This was a very big mess up!!!!

I went to bed feeling like I had been run over by a mack truck. Its got to be the one thing that
gets to me. You know that your children our a reflection of you so when things like this happen
you wonder what in the would have I done that would ever make my child think like this. So then you pray and pray.
I woke up in the night and still was burdened and I thought back to when I was a teenager and
my stomach sank I to said hurtful things and really messed up. I would like to think I turned out alright and am probably one of the most sensitive people you might meet...
So in that reflection I seen my mothers face and I thought about her nights that she went to bed with prayers on her mind..... We just have to keep going and keep showing our children by example to be a good person.

As the boys left this morning for school both not just one turned around at the door and said "see you tonight mom", "I love you momma"!
At that very moment I couldn't think of anything I would have rather heard to start my day after off!

Is it illegal to tape children's mouth's!

2008-11-24T12:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, I know it is I am having one of those times when I want to crawl under a rock a stay forever..... I know that one of the hardest age's is 11ish and they speak befor they talk. I trully think I am in denial that my sweet baby boy would ever say such horrible things and then the
excuse I got was I didnt know beter......WHATEVER. Needless to say that didnt work for my sweet baby boy. I had to have a meeting with the prinicple, vice principle and the transportation director this morning way to start out on a monday. I was mortified I couldnt even talk. I love that child so much but at that moment I was thinking about all the things in his room that I was burning or where he was going to sleep for the next several months because, it was not going to be in the nice comforts of his own room.
Then at the end of the meeting they let Trevin come in and he starts to cry and tells me just how sorry he is and "that he would never do that to our family again". For just a second I was like
ok we are done here and all is well, he said we he did and now look at him he is truly sorry. "Have a nice Thanksgiving"...... Then momma mode kicked in I love that! I just looked at him and before I said a word to him I thought about how I really didn't like this feeling of sitting in the office with all the other teachers walking by looking and I'm sure they were like "yep there's the bad child meeting room". I did not like that. Hes a good boy and I may not like his actions all the time but, I love him every single millisecond that I have had him so.... I laid into him like a Good mother should and I told him exactly what I thought of his behavior and that I was not sure what would happen to him when we got home ....but that he could if he wanted to make smart choices from here on out blah blah you get the point... Ended it with a positive.... These are times when being a momma is not glamorous...it stinks!
On to a new note I have said that our house has been turned upside down with blogging well it truly has so now Trevin has started his own blog and if one was not enough he has two..
ttsportreport.blogspot.com and then ttliferepot.blogspot.com.......Way to cute if I do say so myself. So read what my baby in trouble, way trouble boy has written and then tell me what you think.

The worlds best NANNA!

2008-11-22T17:33:00.003-08:00

Today was another wonderful day with the Taylor Girls (Fielder) sorry Mimi I totally forget that name change thing. Even though that was the most beautiful wedding ever, nice pictures too!!!! No, I'm not bitter I will just have to look at the red eyes of my entire wedding party forever. You just were so much smarter than us or perhaps learned a valuable lesson and hired a real photographer. Your day was truly perfect.....especially your hair!!!!!
So anyway we girls went to lunch and boutique shopping today, and Addy scored. Galloway has the cutest shops ever now... They used to be so many now there are only three or four boutiques, but they are so neat. Addy just doesn't know yet how lucky she is to have you and Mimi in her life.... what I would have done to have known my grandma! Well its priceless.
So until Addy knows I will speak for her and say we love you both with all our hearts... We are so blessed to be Taylor's!!!!!!!!!!! The hat is soooooo cute, huh? She wore it for at least an hour. Thank you for always including me in your mother and daughter bonding time! Love you, Love you, Love YOU!!!!

The worlds best NANNA!

2008-11-22T17:33:00.001-08:00

Holidays are coming

2008-11-21T18:28:00.000-08:00

So today for the first time this season I felt the chill you get when you know the holiday hustle and bustle is just around the corner. I guess for whatever reason its slipped up. I cant even start to believe that next week is Thanksgiving.... so crazy that another year is almost over. We have had such a good year. My precious Trevin starts every year out the 1st with his birthday, I dearly love that. Then on January 21 our sweet baby girl came into our lives. Once I seen those beautiful eyes looking up at me for the first time I was in love again, hook line and sinker...I have often said that its a perfect love that we have for our children. Its also one that you cant explain no matter how hard you try. You just cant grasp until you are a parent yourself.
On to the holiday decorating. I cant wait to see how many times the tree is flipped over and all the ornaments sent flying. The boys are very into all the decorating I even have Sayer saying he would help "just one more year". Its quite the production! We have to watch Elf. We have elf hats (ugly) too if I might say. I really should try and find new ones. We have hot chocolate not even spiked for mom. Pictures, soon as it all takes place. We have to plan around a teenagers social life now. He would love to miss out if he could.....but, no way am I going to miss out on another special moment with the kids..Even if they grumble we will make some really awesome memories
I have the pleasure every week to go to work and visit with some of the coolest people EVER!
I love my job and I am so amazed at the special friends that I have found, doing what I love.
I have a mother and daughter with the coolest family (stories) hands down ever. They could write a movie about their adventures... wedding rehearsal diner, close encounters with the law, tow trucks, bar room brawls...weddings in the sticks. Its more than those stories that I love its the fact that they are real people with huge hearts. They love each other and so many more! They are in every since of the words earning their wings.. for all that you do. I am sure they don't realize that in their every day life they have changed me! I feel like I am a better person for even knowing both Cheryl and Chrissy! Not to mention they started this crazy blogging frenzy in my house.

Where did a month go?

2008-11-11T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have been so crazy busy,but I have no idea what I have been doing. I do know that my baby is now almost 10 months old I cant believe it. I have been sick that's no fun nothing to really complain about only the fall cold and allergy stuff.
I have been going to lots of soccer games. Sayer played for the championship last week. I have to tell you, sick and coughing like there is no tomorrow I was there. Very cold indeed. They fought a good fight double overtime still in the end they lost the game by 2 points....... Way to go boys!!!!! NIXA rules.... I sit here today after reading my normal blogs and am so thankful for the family, friends, home, children, I could go on and on you get the point.... We are very blessed here in the Taylor home. Have I mentioned that I love my kids?
Baby Addy is going everywhere we have barricaded the house the best we can and still she finds wood chunks, paper, crumbs.. who needs to ever vacuum again, not me. We have Addy! Its been such a long time since I have had to child proof anything its crazy around here.... might I mention the boys don't like it. I think its funny if only I could lock the messy rooms in the house up and deal with them when she is say 5ish.. that would be nice.
I was updating Addy's baby book this weekend and after reading all that I have written, I have found that since she is my third child and my last I don't want to forget anything. They grow up right before our eyes and we cant wait for the next step to happen, all the while we never want them to really grow up. I love every little thing she does. For that matter I love every little thing each one of the kids do. I love that the boys can say," I love you" . I love that they know how hard we as parents work to make their life comfortable as we can ....and say"thank you for doing all you do mom!" I dearly love baby teeth!!!!!! All four of them now....

Fall Decorations

2008-10-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

If you haven't yet been to the persimmon tree in Ozark you must. They have the cutest seasonal collectors. Its so much fun to add to my collection each year.

Girls Day out with Aunt Mimi

2008-10-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

We love our days with Aunt Mimi yesterday was a very special day. Addy had lots of bonding time with Mimi. We went to Ozark yesterday and had lunch at Spring Creek my favorite of all times. I would go there before I would go downtown if only they were open for diner. Then, we strolled over to the square. All of the colorful mums and fall decorations, wind was blowing just right I love fall mornings.Those little quaint antique shops are so neat. I found some neat treasures. I was able to pick up the coolest antique cabinet for Addy's room. Having a girls day out is all new to me I love those boys ....Trevin has always went everywhere with me.. he knows as many places to go for a fun day out as I do.In fact he can melt his mommy's heart in an instant when he says "i just want to spend the whole day with just you and go to out favorite place to eat and all our antique shops." Well, you now know its going to be Spring Creek and "all our antique shops" like I have them on stand by just to service us. He gets me every single time.

DIFFERENT

2008-09-29T19:15:00.000-07:00

I love to read about people, who are doing some great and amazing things everywhere. When you are in routine its so easy to get so wrapped up in your little world you truly can forget that their is so many different adventures.
I'm so happy here in Missouri I have wonderful children and a great husband. I have a great job, beautiful home but, if were honest with our selves we always wonder what would life be like if I had chosen differently.
I say if you want something go for it.... don't let your normal day to day routine take you down a path that perhaps if you really open your eyes you could see (DIFFERENT)!!! Sayer who is 13, we talk about his future. I want him to reach for the stars hes so smart and funny just one of those kids you know will go far and not just because hes mine...hes truly cool! I would love for him to go to school abroad.. He would do well. I only hope that I have made him strong enough to chose (DIFFERENT). Trevin that's the 10 yr old we talk too hes just as cool don't ask me how I did it but, I have two really good boys... If I wasn't their mom I would still want to hang out with them. Trevin and I can do anything together and its a blast. I am really trying to be mom not their best friend that's really hard. At the end of the day when I am all alone in my thoughts I wouldn't change a thing about my life but, for the kids I pray for (DIFFERENT). . Now days I do feel as though I think harder, perhaps longer about the options I impose on myself and my family. (DIFFERENT) could be so cool. Tomorrow will quite possibly be (DIFFERENT).

What its Friday?

2008-09-26T15:30:00.000-07:00

One would think since its a Friday that it means you can relax, not around here. It only means that instead of dropping off the boys at their own practice and then picking them up at basically what I feel like is bed time. It means their is football games, girls to see, showers and primping like any normal teenage boy does. Leaving the house in a fog from all the cologne that they spray on their bodies.It takes an act of congress to get them where they need to be in the manner in which they want to get there. Just wait anyone who has a cute adorable baby boy or girl once they get to be 13 or 14 you never have the same children ever again. They some how somewhere must take a very intense class on how to have 40 different conversations on the same phone, going at the same time with all different options. Then, just when you think you know where it is they want to be nope different girls, different place, different drop zones. It makes me crazy. Tim and I laugh all the time we remind each other what older and much wiser folks have told us "your going to miss that someday". So,when before 5 pm and we have driven 100 miles I sing that song in my head "your gonna miss this". They don't go to sleep with bed time stories being told anymore we pile up on their beds and they give me the break down of their evening.... I do love those times now,it makes you feel like a really good mom when they want to share that kind of low down scoop. So really at the end of the wild and lots of miles driven would I trade it for anything in the world no way I love them boys with every fiber in me and I would do it forever if I could.