Worthy

I pray often, I'm sure not near enough in the midst of a storm I have been known to pray harder, longer and ask for only what I thought would be best suited for the situation at which I am even praying for.
Not fair, not right, not cool but, true.
These days I have found myself just thanking him, for the smallest of things that I have taken for granted for so long. Even, that I can choose to get my lazy bum up and outsidewhere it is geting very cold and run. Or just enjoy being outside and trying to reduce the caloric intake for that day.
I was in my oldest son's room last night just staring at him and praying and I was
taken back to a time when I did this every single night. I'm embarrassed to say that's not been case for his almost 14 years of life. All that time gone to never have back to make it up to God. I cried and for those years lost forever. For the prayers I didn't make.

I can however change today and from now on. I go to the boys rooms when they are
gone and I miss them being there, I cant wait for them to come home.....I love the sound of their voices...their request, of their just out of the blue " I love yous.... "
It feels me up with smiles and I feel whole when we are all together. I can protect them when they are in my presence.

What are Father must feel when we call out to him and make our, to him such small
requests, when we lift our voice's to him, and our just out of the blue "I love yous".He longs to hear from us..... So I let him hear from me for a long time...
(have you ever tried to catch up God?) I then walked down stairs to Trevin's room I
was touching his perfect face and I was overwhelmed with God's love I am a only
able to touch his face because its his will. I am so thankful that's the case. Thank you god for my babies.... even the one you have with you in heaven...!!!

So after that I took off for baby girl's room I (wouldn't dare touch her or make a peep)
she's a sleep fighter and that would be just a perfect excuse for her to wake up
and want to play for no telling how long and this momma needed to get some rest
after all I still had my husband to pray and be thankful for.
In her room with her Christmas tree very bright I might mention. She looks even
more like an angel... I wonder how long I can keep the tree in her room before big
daddy has had enough and says take it down.... While I do have it up, I will enjoy
the way the pink lights just shine off of her skin.... I love you Addy your another
perfect miracle I am apart of.

I must strive, more so these days to be worthy of the job God has blessed us
with. That's the least I can do.... they are so easy to love and I want to do them
justice. I want them to be proud of the way I bring them up and want to in turn
be better parents than I.

Thank you Jesus for going to the cross for me to have this chance to spend time with your angels. I promise to share your love that you have for me, from here on out just a little brighter, little stronger and perhaphs I will breach them heim of your garmet some day and then I will only begin to grasp what being worthy had meant.