Breakfast with Santa

This weekend started out with breakfast with
Santa at Bass Pro.
Addy doesn't do well with facial hair, and so
I was worried all week about how this up
coming event, that was totally for me was
going to effect my baby girl.
We got there early and we were greeted with
the friendly rain deer, we even had a moment where
she let him touch her and we were able to get
a picture in front of the tree. No smiles just a
picture....Were off to a good start I'm thinking.
We stand in line with a bunch of people that
took this Santa thing way, way to serious.
I thought it would just be fun for me and Tim
to take our baby girl and bond. Not to mention
an excuse for Tim to buy just one more bag
of fishing lures.
By the way he didn't do that (will explain later.)
We get into the Santa house, and we eat our
breakfast, she's loving the lights and all the
people are not even freaking her out... I am
pumped........

Your waiting for the big reveal and well the time
has come.......
Our sweet baby girl did not even fuss at Santa
for a second or the elf's that were running around.
Even the scrooge didn't get her rilled up....
That's because she slept through the whole thing.
Until we put her in the truck did she even move.
That's why daddy didn't go shopping for more
fishing lures. She's quite the heavy one our Addy
bug.
Not what I was expecting at all.... So now we wait
for next year.

Movie Material

So have you ever thought about the fact that you possibly can change
the way history unfolds?
I didn't ever think that way until I got a divorce!!!! That changed everything!
No longer was I in the promise that I gave to my husband but, I was no longer
in the promise I made to God.
I changed history...and yes for me but, more so for my boys.
They would no longer be able to wake up in the same house as their
father every day, they couldn't go to the back door and see dad mowing
our yard. Never would they be able to go on vacation with both of us again. More than that they would never see dad taking care of mom.
Not that I haven't made it on my own, but its the natural lesson's of
fatherhood towards a mom that they would never ever see.
When I was in that moment I truly thought I was doing the right thing for
all of us....when in reality I was doing what I wanted........!!!!!!!!!!!
It totally stinks to have to be mom and dad all the time. I never felt
like I was doing as good as what he would have done. Or what if
he would have said that differently and it would have meant more
coming from their dad.
The reason's that I left sometimes I can't even remember. It's been just
over 8 years ago. Does it still feel like a open wound? No, that's all gone
now I feel pain for my children they have paid such a high price for
our mistakes. It was both of us, we both choose to leave each other,
maybe in different ways but, we both were not their for each other.
Could we have made it.....I really believe that's a no...so with that you
begin to think were we not suppose to even be together? I can't imagine
my life without my boys not even for a second. Now I look at mine and his
life hes so happy with her. They are perfect for each other he was never
that kind of man with me. She makes him be a better man. you can just
look at him and know that he is happy. Like truly a soul mate match.
Wow, just look at my life. I even have been blessed with a
new sweet angel ( I got a second script). Thank you God!
My boys are growing up and they are becoming young men. They now
have had so many holidays and birthday's that they have split with mom and dad.
How that has affected them we may never know...that's because it's all
they have ever had, that they can remember.
Horrible to never know what it would feel like for them to just be able to
relax at home with their family. Until they have thier own children and
home.
Now they have stepbrother's, a step mom and a step dad. I couldn't ask
for better.
They love their step mom and stepbrother's. So that's a blessing. It
could be so much worse. That's never been a complaint.

All of this is basically for a therapeutic moment for me....I would have
never ever thought about these feelings this many years ahead, and how I would feel about divorce and a broken home.
So, if for just a single moment you are thinking about changing
your dynamics of your home THINK THINK THINK about it just one
more time for me.
I wish my movie material could have been God written from the very
beginning and that I didn't ever try to step in and make it better or change
the ending but, I did and now we are going to have to wait and see
the new ending.

Just one last thought I am so thankful Santa Clause didn't divorce Mrs Clause!!!!

Christmas is already here.

Yep, its true I went shopping after work on Friday and I bought
Addy a few gifts for Christmas... Yes, I was far more excited
about them than her....but she's only soon to be 11 months old
So what did I expect huh...
So I got home and guess what I did.......? Yes, I let her have
them all.
So cute, and I rationalized it by her not even knowing what
Christmas is anyway.....RIGHT? All she will do on Christmas
morning is play with all the wrapping paper from every body's
gift. So I think I have a very good point here.

So all week end we have had a blast watching her play with
her gifts...( love the kitchen set). "The Boys", you say ya that didn't go over quite so easily.
they wanted to open just one gift momma.....

Will see!!!!!!

Worthy

I pray often, I'm sure not near enough in the midst of a storm I have been known to pray harder, longer and ask for only what I thought would be best suited for the situation at which I am even praying for.
Not fair, not right, not cool but, true.
These days I have found myself just thanking him, for the smallest of things that I have taken for granted for so long. Even, that I can choose to get my lazy bum up and outsidewhere it is geting very cold and run. Or just enjoy being outside and trying to reduce the caloric intake for that day.
I was in my oldest son's room last night just staring at him and praying and I was
taken back to a time when I did this every single night. I'm embarrassed to say that's not been case for his almost 14 years of life. All that time gone to never have back to make it up to God. I cried and for those years lost forever. For the prayers I didn't make.

I can however change today and from now on. I go to the boys rooms when they are
gone and I miss them being there, I cant wait for them to come home.....I love the sound of their voices...their request, of their just out of the blue " I love yous.... "
It feels me up with smiles and I feel whole when we are all together. I can protect them when they are in my presence.

What are Father must feel when we call out to him and make our, to him such small
requests, when we lift our voice's to him, and our just out of the blue "I love yous".He longs to hear from us..... So I let him hear from me for a long time...
(have you ever tried to catch up God?) I then walked down stairs to Trevin's room I
was touching his perfect face and I was overwhelmed with God's love I am a only
able to touch his face because its his will. I am so thankful that's the case. Thank you god for my babies.... even the one you have with you in heaven...!!!

So after that I took off for baby girl's room I (wouldn't dare touch her or make a peep)
she's a sleep fighter and that would be just a perfect excuse for her to wake up
and want to play for no telling how long and this momma needed to get some rest
after all I still had my husband to pray and be thankful for.
In her room with her Christmas tree very bright I might mention. She looks even
more like an angel... I wonder how long I can keep the tree in her room before big
daddy has had enough and says take it down.... While I do have it up, I will enjoy
the way the pink lights just shine off of her skin.... I love you Addy your another
perfect miracle I am apart of.

I must strive, more so these days to be worthy of the job God has blessed us
with. That's the least I can do.... they are so easy to love and I want to do them
justice. I want them to be proud of the way I bring them up and want to in turn
be better parents than I.

Thank you Jesus for going to the cross for me to have this chance to spend time with your angels. I promise to share your love that you have for me, from here on out just a little brighter, little stronger and perhaphs I will breach them heim of your garmet some day and then I will only begin to grasp what being worthy had meant.

No complaining today!

I have already said I no longer look at my life the
same way as I once did. I no longer find myself
complaining about the small stuff. I love the small
stuff now. I choose to be optimistic about circumstances
that normally I would feel were doomed.
My children are a blessing every single second. I was
thinking about how upset I was with Trevin just last
week. I delt with that situation so differently. I want
him to be a better person after he has been taught
what he did wrong. But, that we all make mistakes.


I have been through some really crazy things
most self induced. You really cant get on a pity
party for yourself when you did it. I went sooooooo
many wrong directions. With that being
said.... I wouldn't change a thing. I have a story now
and all the girls that I had when I was a foster mom
I could relate. I love those girls... all of them are so
special and I only hope I was able to share enough of
my life to make a difference.

I cant even begin to complain about anything that I GET to
go through these days.
Even the worst of days with mouthy children at least
I have them.

I have decided that if I need to feel closer to God
just log on and start reading.
These women are unreal. With their steadfast Godly
views...

I almost feel silly writing about my daily activities now.
I am vastly aware
of things that just don't happen.
I have always said things happen for a reason now I
am even more convinced.

The people that are sent to me, and all the ones I have
contact with.. they are so special to me.
The friends that I have made throughout the years
are so priceless to me now.
My family I just keep kissing them
over and over again.
My poor boys are getting irritated with all the
chap stick and lip gloss they have to wipe off.
They see me coming and just pucker up now!
Seems to even be a little more enthusiastic at times.

Christmas even looks so much more exciting I cant
wait to share another holiday with my family.
Its never been about the gifts for me. Saying that, I
have been guilty of stressing out because I should have
purchased just one more anything for the boys.
I no longer feel that way. I want so many memories
with them that they forget about the presents under
the tree.
So movies, loud Christmas music and cookies lots of
Trevin's cookies hes so good at them now.
We have started our basket's already with more
vigor than last. Somehow they too have picked up my
difference in outlooks and they just keep coming up with
more things to bake and put in them.
I have shared so many of the precious blogs with them.
Its a very special child who gets empathy at such a young
age. They both have been so precious about giving of
themselves and their time.
They are teenagers that alone is a miracle.

I went on a church related trip to the beautiful country of Belize.
It was one of the high lights in my life so far. The people
were amazing. What I took away from there was life
altering.
With saying that, I cant wait to take the boys on the next
trip. I think every child needs the experience of volunteering
their time. It will be awesome to see their world open up around
them to giving if only it is with their time.

Thankful for today

Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning and of course I am so excited about today, I cant wait to get this day started.
I look forward to spending time with our family's.
It is such a blessing to have them so close.
I wish it would just poke along very slowly.
But, at the end of the day I know it will feel as though it has flown by.
So in the spirit of being thankful.
Wouldn't it be nice if everybody looked forward to every day like they do the two holidays that are coming up
what an exciting place we would have.
Then I thought about how I would love to have friend holidays.
Where you have to meet at least once a year just because its what you do..
I may work on that. So look out Rhonda...Your up first.... I miss you so bad.
I think about your family so much.. They mean the world to me..
Our kids our way to big. They have grown up right in front of our eyes.
I want them to go back playing in your cabinets.
So eat alot and enjoy your day.. I will just have to run one more lap to make up for all the calories I am getting ready to have.

So for a serious thought I am so thankful that I have a healthy family. I have become more thoughtful to the special ones that I know and even the
ones that I don't that are fighting a battle of sickness. You message is strong and you are affecting so many with your incredible stories. I pray every day for so many now.. May God give you strength like you have never known.
Have a Blessed day!

The day after

I didn't know what I was going to do to my child when I got home.Well I still don't know to the extent of what's going to happen to him however he has been banned from the TV, computer since I don't let him play video games during the school week anyway that's nothing lost. However, he did have to write a pretty heart felt apology letter.
Up to my standards even... Nothing worse than writing a letter and bringing it to your mom and
getting it shot down and having to start over...

It went a little bit like this
Trevin: Mom I'm done with this letter I am going to bed.
Me: Bring it to me I want to read your letter.
Trevin: OK.... I did the best I could do is it alright?
Me: Well, I would love to tell you yes but, no! You need to reach deep into your heart and pull up your most thoughtful sweet spirt that I know is in there and think very hard about how you
want this to make up for what your hurtful mouth has said.
Trevin: OK... I will be back.......

WAITING!!!!

STILL WAITING!!!!!

Then he did it .... it made me cry it was truly the sweetest thing I have ever seen.

So now in prayer will everybody agree with me that he has learned his lesson on just how hurtful words can be. I am back to what else are going to be his consequences.... Yes....
This was a very big mess up!!!!


I went to bed feeling like I had been run over by a mack truck. Its got to be the one thing that
gets to me. You know that your children our a reflection of you so when things like this happen
you wonder what in the would have I done that would ever make my child think like this. So then you pray and pray.
I woke up in the night and still was burdened and I thought back to when I was a teenager and
my stomach sank I to said hurtful things and really messed up. I would like to think I turned out alright and am probably one of the most sensitive people you might meet...
So in that reflection I seen my mothers face and I thought about her nights that she went to bed with prayers on her mind..... We just have to keep going and keep showing our children by example to be a good person.

As the boys left this morning for school both not just one turned around at the door and said "see you tonight mom", "I love you momma"!
At that very moment I couldn't think of anything I would have rather heard to start my day after off!

Is it illegal to tape children's mouth's!

Yes, I know it is I am having one of those times when I want to crawl under a rock a stay forever..... I know that one of the hardest age's is 11ish and they speak befor they talk. I trully think I am in denial that my sweet baby boy would ever say such horrible things and then the
excuse I got was I didnt know beter......WHATEVER. Needless to say that didnt work for my sweet baby boy. I had to have a meeting with the prinicple, vice principle and the transportation director this morning way to start out on a monday. I was mortified I couldnt even talk. I love that child so much but at that moment I was thinking about all the things in his room that I was burning or where he was going to sleep for the next several months because, it was not going to be in the nice comforts of his own room.
Then at the end of the meeting they let Trevin come in and he starts to cry and tells me just how sorry he is and "that he would never do that to our family again". For just a second I was like
ok we are done here and all is well, he said we he did and now look at him he is truly sorry. "Have a nice Thanksgiving"...... Then momma mode kicked in I love that! I just looked at him and before I said a word to him I thought about how I really didn't like this feeling of sitting in the office with all the other teachers walking by looking and I'm sure they were like "yep there's the bad child meeting room". I did not like that. Hes a good boy and I may not like his actions all the time but, I love him every single millisecond that I have had him so.... I laid into him like a Good mother should and I told him exactly what I thought of his behavior and that I was not sure what would happen to him when we got home ....but that he could if he wanted to make smart choices from here on out blah blah you get the point... Ended it with a positive.... These are times when being a momma is not glamorous...it stinks!
On to a new note I have said that our house has been turned upside down with blogging well it truly has so now Trevin has started his own blog and if one was not enough he has two..
ttsportreport.blogspot.com and then ttliferepot.blogspot.com.......Way to cute if I do say so myself. So read what my baby in trouble, way trouble boy has written and then tell me what you think.

The worlds best NANNA!

Today was another wonderful day with the Taylor Girls (Fielder) sorry Mimi I totally forget that name change thing. Even though that was the most beautiful wedding ever, nice pictures too!!!! No, I'm not bitter I will just have to look at the red eyes of my entire wedding party forever. You just were so much smarter than us or perhaps learned a valuable lesson and hired a real photographer. Your day was truly perfect.....especially your hair!!!!!
So anyway we girls went to lunch and boutique shopping today, and Addy scored. Galloway has the cutest shops ever now... They used to be so many now there are only three or four boutiques, but they are so neat. Addy just doesn't know yet how lucky she is to have you and Mimi in her life.... what I would have done to have known my grandma! Well its priceless.
So until Addy knows I will speak for her and say we love you both with all our hearts... We are so blessed to be Taylor's!!!!!!!!!!! The hat is soooooo cute, huh? She wore it for at least an hour. Thank you for always including me in your mother and daughter bonding time! Love you, Love you, Love YOU!!!!

The worlds best NANNA!

Holidays are coming

So today for the first time this season I felt the chill you get when you know the holiday hustle and bustle is just around the corner. I guess for whatever reason its slipped up. I cant even start to believe that next week is Thanksgiving.... so crazy that another year is almost over. We have had such a good year. My precious Trevin starts every year out the 1st with his birthday, I dearly love that. Then on January 21 our sweet baby girl came into our lives. Once I seen those beautiful eyes looking up at me for the first time I was in love again, hook line and sinker...I have often said that its a perfect love that we have for our children. Its also one that you cant explain no matter how hard you try. You just cant grasp until you are a parent yourself.
On to the holiday decorating. I cant wait to see how many times the tree is flipped over and all the ornaments sent flying. The boys are very into all the decorating I even have Sayer saying he would help "just one more year". Its quite the production! We have to watch Elf. We have elf hats (ugly) too if I might say. I really should try and find new ones. We have hot chocolate not even spiked for mom. Pictures, soon as it all takes place. We have to plan around a teenagers social life now. He would love to miss out if he could.....but, no way am I going to miss out on another special moment with the kids..Even if they grumble we will make some really awesome memories
I have the pleasure every week to go to work and visit with some of the coolest people EVER!
I love my job and I am so amazed at the special friends that I have found, doing what I love.
I have a mother and daughter with the coolest family (stories) hands down ever. They could write a movie about their adventures... wedding rehearsal diner, close encounters with the law, tow trucks, bar room brawls...weddings in the sticks. Its more than those stories that I love its the fact that they are real people with huge hearts. They love each other and so many more! They are in every since of the words earning their wings.. for all that you do. I am sure they don't realize that in their every day life they have changed me! I feel like I am a better person for even knowing both Cheryl and Chrissy! Not to mention they started this crazy blogging frenzy in my house.

Where did a month go?

I have been so crazy busy,but I have no idea what I have been doing. I do know that my baby is now almost 10 months old I cant believe it. I have been sick that's no fun nothing to really complain about only the fall cold and allergy stuff.
I have been going to lots of soccer games. Sayer played for the championship last week. I have to tell you, sick and coughing like there is no tomorrow I was there. Very cold indeed. They fought a good fight double overtime still in the end they lost the game by 2 points....... Way to go boys!!!!! NIXA rules.... I sit here today after reading my normal blogs and am so thankful for the family, friends, home, children, I could go on and on you get the point.... We are very blessed here in the Taylor home. Have I mentioned that I love my kids?
Baby Addy is going everywhere we have barricaded the house the best we can and still she finds wood chunks, paper, crumbs.. who needs to ever vacuum again, not me. We have Addy! Its been such a long time since I have had to child proof anything its crazy around here.... might I mention the boys don't like it. I think its funny if only I could lock the messy rooms in the house up and deal with them when she is say 5ish.. that would be nice.
I was updating Addy's baby book this weekend and after reading all that I have written, I have found that since she is my third child and my last I don't want to forget anything. They grow up right before our eyes and we cant wait for the next step to happen, all the while we never want them to really grow up. I love every little thing she does. For that matter I love every little thing each one of the kids do. I love that the boys can say," I love you" . I love that they know how hard we as parents work to make their life comfortable as we can ....and say"thank you for doing all you do mom!" I dearly love baby teeth!!!!!! All four of them now....

Fall Decorations

If you haven't yet been to the persimmon tree in Ozark you must. They have the cutest seasonal collectors. Its so much fun to add to my collection each year.

Girls Day out with Aunt Mimi

We love our days with Aunt Mimi yesterday was a very special day. Addy had lots of bonding time with Mimi. We went to Ozark yesterday and had lunch at Spring Creek my favorite of all times. I would go there before I would go downtown if only they were open for diner. Then, we strolled over to the square. All of the colorful mums and fall decorations, wind was blowing just right I love fall mornings.Those little quaint antique shops are so neat. I found some neat treasures. I was able to pick up the coolest antique cabinet for Addy's room. Having a girls day out is all new to me I love those boys ....Trevin has always went everywhere with me.. he knows as many places to go for a fun day out as I do.In fact he can melt his mommy's heart in an instant when he says "i just want to spend the whole day with just you and go to out favorite place to eat and all our antique shops." Well, you now know its going to be Spring Creek and "all our antique shops" like I have them on stand by just to service us. He gets me every single time.

DIFFERENT

I love to read about people, who are doing some great and amazing things everywhere. When you are in routine its so easy to get so wrapped up in your little world you truly can forget that their is so many different adventures.
I'm so happy here in Missouri I have wonderful children and a great husband. I have a great job, beautiful home but, if were honest with our selves we always wonder what would life be like if I had chosen differently.
I say if you want something go for it.... don't let your normal day to day routine take you down a path that perhaps if you really open your eyes you could see (DIFFERENT)!!! Sayer who is 13, we talk about his future. I want him to reach for the stars hes so smart and funny just one of those kids you know will go far and not just because hes mine...hes truly cool! I would love for him to go to school abroad.. He would do well. I only hope that I have made him strong enough to chose (DIFFERENT). Trevin that's the 10 yr old we talk too hes just as cool don't ask me how I did it but, I have two really good boys... If I wasn't their mom I would still want to hang out with them. Trevin and I can do anything together and its a blast. I am really trying to be mom not their best friend that's really hard. At the end of the day when I am all alone in my thoughts I wouldn't change a thing about my life but, for the kids I pray for (DIFFERENT). . Now days I do feel as though I think harder, perhaps longer about the options I impose on myself and my family. (DIFFERENT) could be so cool. Tomorrow will quite possibly be (DIFFERENT).

What its Friday?

One would think since its a Friday that it means you can relax, not around here. It only means that instead of dropping off the boys at their own practice and then picking them up at basically what I feel like is bed time. It means their is football games, girls to see, showers and primping like any normal teenage boy does. Leaving the house in a fog from all the cologne that they spray on their bodies.It takes an act of congress to get them where they need to be in the manner in which they want to get there. Just wait anyone who has a cute adorable baby boy or girl once they get to be 13 or 14 you never have the same children ever again. They some how somewhere must take a very intense class on how to have 40 different conversations on the same phone, going at the same time with all different options. Then, just when you think you know where it is they want to be nope different girls, different place, different drop zones. It makes me crazy. Tim and I laugh all the time we remind each other what older and much wiser folks have told us "your going to miss that someday". So,when before 5 pm and we have driven 100 miles I sing that song in my head "your gonna miss this". They don't go to sleep with bed time stories being told anymore we pile up on their beds and they give me the break down of their evening.... I do love those times now,it makes you feel like a really good mom when they want to share that kind of low down scoop. So really at the end of the wild and lots of miles driven would I trade it for anything in the world no way I love them boys with every fiber in me and I would do it forever if I could.