Movie Material

So have you ever thought about the fact that you possibly can change
the way history unfolds?
I didn't ever think that way until I got a divorce!!!! That changed everything!
No longer was I in the promise that I gave to my husband but, I was no longer
in the promise I made to God.
I changed history...and yes for me but, more so for my boys.
They would no longer be able to wake up in the same house as their
father every day, they couldn't go to the back door and see dad mowing
our yard. Never would they be able to go on vacation with both of us again. More than that they would never see dad taking care of mom.
Not that I haven't made it on my own, but its the natural lesson's of
fatherhood towards a mom that they would never ever see.
When I was in that moment I truly thought I was doing the right thing for
all of us....when in reality I was doing what I wanted........!!!!!!!!!!!
It totally stinks to have to be mom and dad all the time. I never felt
like I was doing as good as what he would have done. Or what if
he would have said that differently and it would have meant more
coming from their dad.
The reason's that I left sometimes I can't even remember. It's been just
over 8 years ago. Does it still feel like a open wound? No, that's all gone
now I feel pain for my children they have paid such a high price for
our mistakes. It was both of us, we both choose to leave each other,
maybe in different ways but, we both were not their for each other.
Could we have made it.....I really believe that's a no...so with that you
begin to think were we not suppose to even be together? I can't imagine
my life without my boys not even for a second. Now I look at mine and his
life hes so happy with her. They are perfect for each other he was never
that kind of man with me. She makes him be a better man. you can just
look at him and know that he is happy. Like truly a soul mate match.
Wow, just look at my life. I even have been blessed with a
new sweet angel ( I got a second script). Thank you God!
My boys are growing up and they are becoming young men. They now
have had so many holidays and birthday's that they have split with mom and dad.
How that has affected them we may never know...that's because it's all
they have ever had, that they can remember.
Horrible to never know what it would feel like for them to just be able to
relax at home with their family. Until they have thier own children and
home.
Now they have stepbrother's, a step mom and a step dad. I couldn't ask
for better.
They love their step mom and stepbrother's. So that's a blessing. It
could be so much worse. That's never been a complaint.

All of this is basically for a therapeutic moment for me....I would have
never ever thought about these feelings this many years ahead, and how I would feel about divorce and a broken home.
So, if for just a single moment you are thinking about changing
your dynamics of your home THINK THINK THINK about it just one
more time for me.
I wish my movie material could have been God written from the very
beginning and that I didn't ever try to step in and make it better or change
the ending but, I did and now we are going to have to wait and see
the new ending.

Just one last thought I am so thankful Santa Clause didn't divorce Mrs Clause!!!!